Sometimes, driving home from work, I cannot believe how lucky I am. I think back to last November. I was just back from maternity, juggling full time teaching with a new born baby. I was facing a huge amount of pressure to hit targets for a class of 30 with only 2 British born children. I was travelling up to an hour to get to work and return home. I would be struck in traffic thinking about the huge pile of books that needed marking, plus the lessons that needed to be planned for the next day. Plus I was tired. Unable to get a full night’s sleep because either the baby woke me up or I couldn’t get to sleep because of stress and worries thinking how I was actually going to cope with everything in my head.
I wouldn’t say that I was drowning, but I was definitely just surviving with my head above the water. Just.
I may not have been drowning, but I was certainly struggling. I also felt like a s*it teacher. Two awful lesson observations made me feel like the worse teacher in the world and I just felt like I was trying and trying and getting no where. No thanks for saying until 6pm making sure my resources were amazing, no thanks for covering an extra play time duty, no thanks for setting up extra interventions and booster sessions. No thanks at all.
I was after a particularly tiring day in November last year that I was looking for new jobs. I saw my current job and thought I wish I could apply for that, it’s my dream job. I thought it was too much responsibility for me, I didn’t have enough experience; in truth, because of the battering my confidence had taken throughout my 3 years in main stream, I thought I wasn’t good enough. But then I had a think and thought, why not? What did I have to loose?
And it has been my best decision ever.
Every day I get up excited about work. I no longer count down the days in the week. The week never drags. I don’t long for Friday. I get to Thursday and think ‘Oh gosh, it’s Friday tomorrow.’ I don’t feel like I’m undervalued, I feel like I’m making a difference, that I’m teaching, spending quality time with the students. And I love it.
Change is always good. It gives you a new perspective, a new challenge, wakes you up and it was exactly what I needed. I hope in time that I don’t get down and depressed and loose my enthusiasm that has suddenly returned and I know that there will be times when I had bad days- I’m working in a Pupil Referral Unit, of course there will be bad days. But for now, I can honestly say, taking a deep breathe and taking the plunge to leave my old job was honestly the best decision ever.
I’m so thankful.