So I’ve decided that it’s time for the old me to come back. The old me who was positive, happy, stress free, the eternal optimist- because this week I realised that somehow teaching had crushed my spirit and turned me into one of those people that I have always hated- the moaner. It hit home this week when a friend came around for a catch up and asked me ‘how’s the job going?’ I didn’t even answer at first, I just let out a huge sigh, I felt my shoulders slump and I just said ‘it’s so stressful. I don’t even know how to begin to explain how stressful it is.’ I couldn’t believe it- I had turned into that friend who you want to avoid because nothing happy ever comes out of their mouth, they sap your energy and they just drag you down.
Well no more. I am back.
This term I am coming back fighting. I am banning the word stress/ stressed from my vocabulary. Even just saying the ‘S’ word puts you in a negative frame of mind. I’m not going to let the new government requirements let me feel like I require improvement- I am outstanding in my own right. I love my class, I want them to do well and they are progressing. That means I am doing an outstanding job. I challenge Mr Gove to come and work in a deprived area of Yorkshire with a class of 30 children (28 EAL), and prepare 5 sets of differentiated work for 5 subjects, 5 sessions a day for 5 days a week. I do this on 6hrs sleep a night. Therefore I don’t need you to grade me. I will grade myself. I am outstanding.
This term I will work like a bi*ch. I will do work every night, even if it’s just for 30 minutes. And I will do it because I want to. If I want to that means that I will have no resentment towards my job. I want to do this work, which means I have made that choice, which ultimately means that you will not dictate to me what work I have to do outside of the school hours. I will decide.
I am also going to get ‘dressed’ every morning. This past term I really let myself go. One teacher even said, ‘I’ve never noticed it before- but your complexion is quite grey.’ No, you hadn’t noticed it before- because I used to have a healthy glow, but since September, that glow has slowly, but surely been replaced. Well, screw you grey complexion, there’s foundation for you. As well as eye shadow, mascara and blusher. In fact I am going to put a full face of make up on every day. I am adamant that I will stick by this. I will also wear nice clothes, heels, make sure my nails and hair are done because as they say, if you look fabulous on the outside, eventually you’ll feel fabulous on the inside. Fake it, ’till you make it, right?
I am going to become super organised. My work will be marked that day. I will plan my lessons vigiously for the next day so that I know what I am doing and I will put 150% into my lesson observations. I am going to cheat. For that one lesson I will do what the government feels is best, I will tick their coffin boxes, I will kill creativity with lessons that cover all of the ludicrous standards. Then the next day I will go back to being a teacher who teaches my children in a way that truly is best for them. I will no longer feel I require improvement because some rich middle class t*at who has never stepped foot in a class room like mine is dictating how best to run my class. Are we as teachers actually allowing this is happen?!
Anyway, tomorrow is the start of a new term BRING IT ON!