Excuse my language, but lesson observations are shit. Just shit. And I’ve had two in the past three days and now I feel shit. Just shit.
Firstly, my first two observations were fine. Not outstanding, but fine, I was on the right path. Then the Headmistress decided that she wanted to come in and watch a lesson with my mentor and absolutely just slaughtered it. My mentor was in a panic as it was obvious that she got slated too and was putting her stress on to me, as to be fair, when i went to the Headmistress about my worries, she was actually really great, saying that she understands the pressure of teaching now, and how she couldn’t be a teacher in the classroom now.
So I had this term’s observation with my mentor three days ago and the pressure beforehand was unbelievable. I couldn’t sleep, I was worrying and I couldn’t relax. I just kept thinking how this observation HAD to be better than last time and that I didn’t know what I would do if it wasn’t. So straight after the lesson, my mentor said it was great, gave the thumbs up and said I had actioned the things I should have done, my behaviour management is amazing (at least something’s working) and that I was using my TA more. So why then, did I come out as Requires Improvement? I hate this new term. What actually was wrong with satisfactory, really? Anyway, there were 6 boxes with good and I think around 9 with Requires Improvement, so majority wins. But I was pleased with her feedback and the fact that she said I was improving all the time. I slept great that night.
Roll on yesterday. School paid for an OFSTED inspector to inspect me, the other new NQT and another member of staff that missed the last OFSTED. And I got my feedback. And it was rubbish. Well, the inspector said ‘the lesson started off as good, but the children didn’t know what they were doing at the tables.’ He then went on to say, ‘but there was nothing more you could have done as the teaching was all there.’ So…..? He then said that the higher ability children didn’t get what they had to do- but when I marked the books, all the children got everything correct. So….?
There were other silly things that I was kicking myself for, I forgot to give the children an extension activity, I sat too long with the lower ability children etc. But the worse thing about it all is that the other NQT got outstanding, which just makes me feel like an absolute failure. I hate that this career just encourages low morale, chips away at your self confidence and leaves you doubting your ability. I’ve realised that I probley wont ever be an outstanding teacher; because 1. I want a life and i am not prepared to work 10hr days and then stay up until 2am creating fantastic resources and 2. I don’t think I could live with the pressure of being classed an an outstanding teacher. At least the only good thing about being in the requires improvement category is that now, the only way is up. Silver lining, and all that.
So now, it’s bed time. A chat to the best friend (who is also an unhappy teacher lol), a hot water bottle and a bar of Galaxy chocolate should do the trick. After all, tomorrow is a new day 🙂