So, it’s the start of my second full week, and the honeymoon period is certainly over. The biggest reason? I have caught the NQT disease. I am sick. My throat is red raw, so hoarse, it’s almost impossible to be heard over 30 screaming voices. I am coughing up a lung every 20minutes and my tissue collection is just gross.
I’m actually annoyed with myself. I thought I would have least lasted a term before I got ill, but no, it started after 4 days in the first week. And it’s awful. It means I just haven’t been able to enjoy myself, do as much as I want to and generally just feel like myself. i am stood at the front of the classroom croaking away, wanting to be anywhere, but in front of my class- which is a shame.
The thing is you are SO stressed and under SO much pressure in the first few week’s as an NQT that your body literally has zero immune system. Even if, like me, you don’t feel stressed or that you’re under pressure, subconsciously, your body knows that you are feeling the pressure and let’s you know. I think it’s also the fact that you get so little sleep. I am up around 6ish every day, which is NOT natural for me, then even if I do get an early night I am tossing and turning thinking about all the little (and big) things that I haven’t done.
Today driving home, I even thought ‘what have I done?!’ I started to think that I can’t do this, this ‘isn’t me’, I’m not enjoying it and how can I continue with this when I’m feeling so utter crap after 9 days?!
I am holding on to the fact that it does get easier. I am an NQT, I am new to this school and there are so many policies to grasp (and it so helps having another NQT there too). I know I cannot really judge my emotions sat in a onesie, sipping honey and lemon, while sneezing and coughing simultaneously and worrying about all the planning, IEPs, resources, marking that I haven’t done.
So for now, I’m going to concentrate on getting better, think of how much I love my school, how I felt during the first week and how great it actually is to be an actual grown up, with a job, a career and a wage.
Silver lining, and all that jazz…